Shit Happens.......... To Me.

Someone I hate now goes out with someone I care about. How's that supposed to work out? How can someone so nice put of with queen bitch the bitchiest person ever to walk on this green earth. What kind of crap is she saying now?! Ugh, I feel sorry for them both but I'm never talking to them again. Never have a actually wanted to kill a human being except for now.

I just want to give everyone a reality check. If you're doing something that looks that it would be annoying and the other person seems like they're not being annoyed. That probably means they're trying to ignore you. So if you keep annoying them and they turn around and scream in your face don't get mad at me the person who is being pushed and shoved in annoyance.

Darkness In The Time Of Light

I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could do what I wanted, but I can't because I can never take it back. I wish he knew, but I can't tell him, he's been forbidden to listen.

I didn't see that one coming...

Yesterday I got out of school early because I had a doctors appointment. When I got there the doctor was late. So I got out my iPod and started singing really loud to try to calm my nerves. I'm not a good singer so my mom got mad at me and told me to stop. I never completely calmed myself down. I had to get five shots!! Stupid doctors why can't they just let me kill over? (It was manditory I'm not dying) I don't know if any of you will know what this is but in the USA they have a commercial for a shot called Gardisil and they made me get that! For any of you thinking about getting that don't do it! It hurt like hell! So anyway the doctor finally came and she was like which arm do you write with? I was kinda thinking to myself "Shouldn't that be written down somewhere?" I told her my left hand so she gave me three shots in my right arm. After the first on I started to feel really sick then when the 3rd one came everything went black. I started to dream but my dreams were really F-ed up. It was like I was watching people talk it was weird. And at the same time I knew I was passed out. I heard my mom say "It looks like she's having a seisure" then I woke up. They said I was only down for a few seconds but it felt like alot longer than that! So they moved to my left arm and gave me the other two shots. I knew it was coming and I was seriously pissed off about too. I passed out again I had F-ed up dreams again and now I felt like crap and both my arms hurt! WTF? That was so uncool. That's never happened to me before. BTW I wasn't having a seisure it was apparently normal for me to shake a little bit when I pass out. So that was my brilliant day and the doctors and my arms still hurt really bad.

What If We...

Ok. I know I haven't posted in forever but please forgive me. And please forgive me for the fact that I'm not going to catch you up on everything you missed in this particular post! I'll catch up later but for now I have something else I want to say.

I just watched a video on youtube that inspired me to do something really random. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJngB51qUTI&feature=channel I want everybody that reads this to write in to my e-mail bluestars_daughter@yahoo.com (there is an underscore between bluestars and daughter I don't know if you could tell) and write a question starting with "What if we..." I'll take the e-mail print them out and do what the guy in the video did!
If you didn't watch the video then I'll tell you what happens: A dude gets a bunch of questions from people and walks the streets asking people the questions. I know that it doesn't sound very cool but to me it is so if you could just cooperate I would love you guys!! If you don't want to please show this to someone you know.

WHEN YOU WRITE IN:

• please title the subject of you message "What if we"
• don't send spam e-mail
• keep the message PG-13 at the MOST
• remember this is important to me
• real people will see this message so make if worth something!

Thank you so much if your doing this!!! If your not please show this to someone that might

I'M ALIVE!!!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever!! Please forgive me! I have been completely busy and depressed and so much stuff I don't know how to describe. So please forgive me. Now that I'm done begging for mercy at your keyboard I can try to catch you up on the millions of things that have happended and brain cells I've wasted.

1. My dog got really sick and I had to take her to the vet. She got a hematoma in her ear and had an ear infection. So long story shorter we had to squirt this stuff in her ears and clean them out and stuff. I was at my grandparents house for Christmas and we got a bunch of people to hold her down I had the honor of squirting the goo in her ears. She did not like that very much so she scratched my arm up really bad and it took it a month to heal. So now I have 5 really bad scratches on my arm and people at school walk up to me and are like "Why did you cut yourself?"....."If you cut youself you'll die".....and my personal favorite...."Oh, I didn't know your dog scratched you I thought you cut youself." Yep life just keeps getting better and better isn't it thrilling?
2. I still love Tokio Hotel and I've learned alot more German. I can stay stuff like my name and even though I hate coffee and I can't order coffee I can say I want milk in my coffee. I can also say a whole bunch of other useless things that I would only use is if I was completely drunk. But I can't drink so this internal argument is pointless.
3. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really depressed half the time and the other half I just want to sleep for a week. I should be doing my homework right now but I'm not. I failed spanish class it makes more sense since I've been studying german though. Where is the logic in that? Maybe I'm crazy and they have some twelve step program and I can be cured! Or I could just be like the rest of us driven to madness by the worlds stupidity. Anyone who is on this website has to have some sense to them. Thats what I think anyway because if you could just read the writing you would know that we've all pretty much been used or screwed over. Litterally or metaphorically. I know this doesn't apply to everyone but to most people. I could be wrong. I don't think I am.
I've got a book of poems that I want to get published one day. I just wanted to share that. One of the reasons I haven't posted in two months is I really really wanted to make sure my dad didn't have the address to this website. If he has it he hasn't said anything. So for now I'm safe to live another day. This wasn't a very interesting post sorry about that.

Just Kill Me Now

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! I'm SO dead!! Ok so I should start from the beginning. My dad is very manipulative and not nice. He can just start talking about his feelings and make you feel all sad for him so that you'll say to much and he'll use it against you. I had one of my breakthrough writing moments and he was doing the whole "i'll be your best friend" thing and he got me to let my gaurd down! So he ended up reading my writing which wouldn't be a bad thing in itself but then he started talking about getting it published and I told him that I didn't like his ideas and if I ever got it published I would put all versions of my writing in the book. He turned his head to look away from me and then dismissed the subject with "I will discuss that with you when the time comes." I was furious!! Who in hell said that I wanted him to be apart of my career/hobby? When did he start making MY decisions? So then I calmed down a bit and he did it AGAIN! So for the second time I let my gaurd down and he found out about this site! I was so scared that I litterally started shaking and my teeth were chattering. Before he knew what I was doing I saved almost all of my posts as drafts and left up the ones appropriate for an overbearing dad. Now he wants me to send him the link and I hope he doesn't remember it because if he does then I'm dead but I have another account that I made just incase this happened. It made me mad though that the only reason I stayed over at his house was to make him happier and this is what I get for it. I don't get the logic in that. I did a really crappy job of explaining this but I just had to post it. It's 2:40 am right now I should go to bed. Goodnight.
~Aceline

In Loving Memory Of Natalie Yokeley

Note:(I used a bunch of big words and I can't spell to save my life so just ignore the spelling)!!!!!

Last school year one of my freinds Natalie was diagnosed with a cancer tumor on her spine. The tumor was completely wrapped around her spine so they couldn't do the operation to remove it. They- the doctors- but her on steriods to help her and they also did cemo. She came to school when she was feeling well enough and usually left early. Torwards the end of the year she came to school in a wheelchair. The next school year (this year) she didn't come at all and last night she died. She had just turned 13 a few days ago. So this post goes to the memory of Natalie. R.I.P. This is her website please visit it. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/natalieyokeley

Blanket Of Tears

I like to write and sometimes something just pops into my head and it won't go away. Thats usually when I write poetry. I don't know if any of you will understand my poems but I want to share one of them with you anyway.

BLANKET OF TEARS

I cry when no one is looking.

I cry when your asleep

the tears are hidden deep.

but the thing that haunts me most are the tears that can't break free.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So that was my poem comment if you like. These lines kept running through my head while I was sleeping and I stayed up til two in the morning trying to perfect it.

There is a Freakin Black Hole In My Room and the Road

(I was being really sarcastic almost all the way through this post so just keep that in mind when your reading this).

How is it possible that all my stuff just dissapears?!?! I am starting to contemplate the idea that my room is a black hole and everything I put in there just gets sucked away to some other part of the universe where it can float around in space. My great-grandmother died and I want to go to her funeral but I can't because my only shirt that would be ok to wear has dissapeared off the face on the F-ing EARTH!!!!!!!!! I just don't understand why stuff like this happens to me. I mean on Monday I was on my way to school and there was a hole in the road so all the people that can't drive were like "OMG! There a hole in the road lets slow down because I don't know how to drive around it." That stupidity made me late for school. I tried to tell the teacher that there was a hole in the road but she was like "No one else was late because of a hole in the road." How is she going to know who lives near me or where I live? For all she knows I could live in a box and take a taxi to school! So the next day I wanted to get out of class because everybody was being petty and acting mentally retarded I went up to the front office and made my fave teacher in the school talk to me for a while so I could calm down because I was about to scream in the classroom I was in. While I'm in her office one of the teachers that are out to get me walked in. She said to me "You were late again." I was like "Ya, I was there was a hole in the road." And this was like the tenth time I had said that to teachers- my mood was turning into general P.O.edness. So this is how the conversation went.....

Mean teacher: You have after school detention.
Me: No I don't you said that if I was late again I would have lunch detention.
Mean teacher: No I didn't I said you would have after school detention.
Me: (Completely miffed and throwing any idea of a civil argument out into the black hole) YOU did NOT say that you said I would have LUNCH detention.
Mean teacher: (Equally as mad as I am now) FINE. You have lunch detention but next time your going to after school detention.

Ok so now I'm all mad and I end up staying in my favorite teachers office for the rest of the period. The next day my advisory teacher tells me I have lunch detention. I'm like wow really I didn't know that. So I'm a good student and I don't get in trouble so I've never been to lunch detention before. I didn't know what I was supposed to do I thought that you went to the cafeteria and got your lunch and then walked to the lunch detention room- wherever that is- and ate your lunch in silence while recieving death stares from the teachers. So I'm getting my food (and yes I know I say so alot) and I'm at the check out thingy. The check out person tells me I need to see the cafeteria manager I'm like WTF? I walk around look for the cafeteria manager and she tells me I have lunch detention and so I say to her....

Me: Don't I get to eat?
Cafeteria Manager: Yes but they have your food for you in the lunch detention room.
Me: What if they don't have the food that I want?
Cafteria Manager: (She gives me an STFU look) Let me take your food so I can throw it away and then you can go to Ms. Taylors room.

Ok so atleast now I know to go to Ms. Taylors room but I don't know where that is :( I walk up to my social studies teacher and ask her where to go. She tells me to just walk down the hall and go into the room that has a bunch of people eating in it. I then give her a look that say 'wow that was so helpful why couldn't I have thought of that?' I walk all the way to the other side of the school to Ms. Taylors room when I get in thier everyone turns and look at me I just stand there like a moron expecting someone to tell me to do something. They don't say anything so I tell the teacher that I'm assuming is Ms. Taylor that I have lunch detention. The teacher next to her tells me that I'm late so I have to come back on Friday and me having argued enough turns on my heel and walks out about ready to scream or break into tears for the fact that I am the GOOD kid and I get punished and the EVIL kids DONT!!!!!!!! How is that fair? When I am back in the cafeteria I have a full ten minutes to eat. I walk back through the lunch line and tell the lady that I have to go back on Friday she can't figure out how to tell the system that and the clock is ticking. After she has a break through and hits a magic button I get my food and have FIVE MINUTES to eat. I told me teacher I would not leave my seat until I had finished my food and ignored her answer. That was how my week has been so far incase anybody was wondering.

A Random Day in Language Arts

Rebecca: Raise your hand if you think Ms.Fruge is awesome!!!

Everyone: (raises hands)

AJ: Yeah I've never heard a teacher cuss before.

Ms.Fruge: (Grimacing) That was not my best moment.

Me: (Amazed at insaneness) Wow....

Awesome Cat Pictures (continued)

These are the others awesome pictures I'm going to do dogs ones next!!!

Awesome Cat Pictures

I was bored and I wanted to share these awesome pictures with the world so now you've seen them and I'm going to post more on a different post because the computer is stupid and will only let my post five at a time.

CHAPTER 2. My Biggest Fear

OK I have given this web address to alot of people that I know and trust. To those people you know who you are- Preston you are no longer welcome near me or on this website- please try to keep this a secret because this eats me up inside.
I am terrified of spiders and thats not a secret. When people ask me what my biggest fear is I say spiders. But I realized thats not true. It was really unsettling to realize that something that had been stuck in my heart was something I was afraid of. I don't quite remember when but there was I time when I started to wonder when I would know if I had found someone that I would love and love me back. . I know that I am different from so many people because I was born with the ability to love unconditionally and I do. To so many people that don't deserve it. So it worried me to think of myself as someone that would die alone. It's a completely insane fear seeing that I'm very young but also a rational one. Lots of people say I'm to young to love someone but their wrong. I have loved the most moronic, insane, crazy, perverted, and smart guy for THREE YEARS!! There have been moments when I started liking other people but I always go back to that same person. (I don't know how I went from talking about dying alone to someone I've loved for years but I'm on a roll, so whatever).
Everyone always says ewwww and gross when someone brings him up they also call him freakishly tall- which makes my wonder what they say about me. I don't know why but I forgave him for something that he didn't even know I knew about. I'm not going to say what it is because some of the people reading this actually know who he is and I don't want to spread gossip about him. He told everyone that he was leaving to some much-to-faraway state. I spend hours up in my room looking for his number and when I found it I decided if I told him everything he would feel bad about leaving later. Maybe not this year or in the next ten years but if there was one split second that he was in pain becuase of me I would feel awful about it. I'm not sure but if he was really, really, really, happy with someone else I don't think I would care because it makes my heart soar to see him smile but it skips a beat when he smiles because of me. I'm not very happy about who I've heard he's going out with. I can't ask him if he is going out with that person because then he would know I actually gave a crap about him.
Life should be as simple as a song "I want you to want me" (If you haven't heard that song then well your normal but thats beside the piont). He kind of reminds of the song "Chasin' cars" by "Snow Patrol". No one would ever understand how I can make that comparison but I guess thats becuase I don't see people like everyone elso does... especially him.

CHAPTER 1. Only Me

I am a very deep person. Some would say I'm complex but that's only the worlds definition because they don't know me. I also love to write. I think the only reason is because when I write I can write what I'm thinking and it doesn't even have to make sense because I can write what I want- everyone can. People see me as the kind of person who sits in the back and doesn't talk and does her work. Thier wrong they all are because their to shallow and self-absorbed for me to put up with them.

Sloane is my best friend and shes my life saver. We are total opposites and the exactly the same all at once. We both have a stereotype that people give us but it's the furthest from what we are. I can't get inside of my friends head but in mine humans are like glass because the're transparent. ((I want to say that I don't mean to offend anyone and I'm pretty much talking about school)). They live shallow lives of gossip, hatred, betrayal, and two face backstabbing. Why am I the only one that can see whats going on around me? Last year there was someone in my class that I knew would tell my secrets but I didn't really care. This year the moment I started talking to her I could tell she was a COMPLETELY changed person. I was the one to realize that.

I think even though I am mentally sane people see me as slow and stupid. I'll admit I have brunnette moments but I just realized what the difference is; why I can see whats going on around me and why people can't see straight through me. It's because- in the best way I can explain it- I'm wired different.

Math is the hardest subject for me because the teacher is the same as the rest of them except his glass is tinted I can't see through it as easily but after time I learn to look through the darkness, past it and into whats behind it. The teacher explains it in his way. Everyone else thats "normal" can understand what he's saying but I don't because- in my words- it's like when you try to stick the blue wire in the yellow plug it just won't work! So the only way for it to make sense to me is if I take a look at someones work that knows what there doing and pick out the different components and see how thier brain worked it out then I store that piece of info away and it makes sense. I loved my fifth grade class because the teacher would leave her work on the board so that I could sit there and stare at it to understand the way her brain wrapped around it. No one else will do that and no one else understands that I have to figure it out in my head before anyone can teach my anything and sometimes it can't be taught and I'm an "independent learner" as 'people' call it.

My reactions to things are also really random and irrational.