CHAPTER 2. My Biggest Fear

OK I have given this web address to alot of people that I know and trust. To those people you know who you are- Preston you are no longer welcome near me or on this website- please try to keep this a secret because this eats me up inside.
I am terrified of spiders and thats not a secret. When people ask me what my biggest fear is I say spiders. But I realized thats not true. It was really unsettling to realize that something that had been stuck in my heart was something I was afraid of. I don't quite remember when but there was I time when I started to wonder when I would know if I had found someone that I would love and love me back. . I know that I am different from so many people because I was born with the ability to love unconditionally and I do. To so many people that don't deserve it. So it worried me to think of myself as someone that would die alone. It's a completely insane fear seeing that I'm very young but also a rational one. Lots of people say I'm to young to love someone but their wrong. I have loved the most moronic, insane, crazy, perverted, and smart guy for THREE YEARS!! There have been moments when I started liking other people but I always go back to that same person. (I don't know how I went from talking about dying alone to someone I've loved for years but I'm on a roll, so whatever).
Everyone always says ewwww and gross when someone brings him up they also call him freakishly tall- which makes my wonder what they say about me. I don't know why but I forgave him for something that he didn't even know I knew about. I'm not going to say what it is because some of the people reading this actually know who he is and I don't want to spread gossip about him. He told everyone that he was leaving to some much-to-faraway state. I spend hours up in my room looking for his number and when I found it I decided if I told him everything he would feel bad about leaving later. Maybe not this year or in the next ten years but if there was one split second that he was in pain becuase of me I would feel awful about it. I'm not sure but if he was really, really, really, happy with someone else I don't think I would care because it makes my heart soar to see him smile but it skips a beat when he smiles because of me. I'm not very happy about who I've heard he's going out with. I can't ask him if he is going out with that person because then he would know I actually gave a crap about him.
Life should be as simple as a song "I want you to want me" (If you haven't heard that song then well your normal but thats beside the piont). He kind of reminds of the song "Chasin' cars" by "Snow Patrol". No one would ever understand how I can make that comparison but I guess thats becuase I don't see people like everyone elso does... especially him.

CHAPTER 1. Only Me

I am a very deep person. Some would say I'm complex but that's only the worlds definition because they don't know me. I also love to write. I think the only reason is because when I write I can write what I'm thinking and it doesn't even have to make sense because I can write what I want- everyone can. People see me as the kind of person who sits in the back and doesn't talk and does her work. Thier wrong they all are because their to shallow and self-absorbed for me to put up with them.

Sloane is my best friend and shes my life saver. We are total opposites and the exactly the same all at once. We both have a stereotype that people give us but it's the furthest from what we are. I can't get inside of my friends head but in mine humans are like glass because the're transparent. ((I want to say that I don't mean to offend anyone and I'm pretty much talking about school)). They live shallow lives of gossip, hatred, betrayal, and two face backstabbing. Why am I the only one that can see whats going on around me? Last year there was someone in my class that I knew would tell my secrets but I didn't really care. This year the moment I started talking to her I could tell she was a COMPLETELY changed person. I was the one to realize that.

I think even though I am mentally sane people see me as slow and stupid. I'll admit I have brunnette moments but I just realized what the difference is; why I can see whats going on around me and why people can't see straight through me. It's because- in the best way I can explain it- I'm wired different.

Math is the hardest subject for me because the teacher is the same as the rest of them except his glass is tinted I can't see through it as easily but after time I learn to look through the darkness, past it and into whats behind it. The teacher explains it in his way. Everyone else thats "normal" can understand what he's saying but I don't because- in my words- it's like when you try to stick the blue wire in the yellow plug it just won't work! So the only way for it to make sense to me is if I take a look at someones work that knows what there doing and pick out the different components and see how thier brain worked it out then I store that piece of info away and it makes sense. I loved my fifth grade class because the teacher would leave her work on the board so that I could sit there and stare at it to understand the way her brain wrapped around it. No one else will do that and no one else understands that I have to figure it out in my head before anyone can teach my anything and sometimes it can't be taught and I'm an "independent learner" as 'people' call it.

My reactions to things are also really random and irrational.

Find the Line

Everyone says you have to know where to draw the line and put up boundries. I believe the lines and walls stay the same but society has become insane and looked past them pretending not to see. The next time your doing something think to yourself "Is this really how I should be spending my time?" And to really step it up a notch think to yourself. "Would God be OK with me doing this or thinking this or writing that?" It says in the Bible he is coming. Do you know where you stand? Dont make new pretend lines stay behind real ones.

My story for Social Studies (Draft)

This is a story I wrote for my social studies class it's written in my favorite type of writing where I only put down the characters thoughts. So if the character is thinking about the setting then you'll see the setting if not then your left wondering. (Some people do that but I wouldn't do that to my readers).

Authors Notes: This is the unedited version of the story so it has flaws and needs rephrasing so appreciate for the concept and writing! By the way the character in this story is up to you I think it's better to leave it open ended. Just remember the character is in Ancient Egypt. I haven't editted it to take the Egypt parts out and replace them so bear with me I will come back and fix it I promise.Read the story and imagine it the way you want it at the end I'll say the original plotline. Not everyone interprets the story the way in was intended but thats ok. If you thought of it in a different way please say what it was in a comment I'm extremely curious.

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Underworld by Aceline Melodie

It wasn't logical but the only way to describe it was to say that I was floating. But even that desciption didn't fit because I was walking -albiet involuntarily- torwards a light. I'm not sure how I've got here but its not important to me. I distantly remember places I should be and people I should be with. My brain is working on overdrive trying to remember... something. Almost all of the something was pieced together when I stopped infront of the light finally able to control my feet. That was all it took for time to stop then restart itself much faster. The darkness fell and then I understood. I was wrong. I would not be going to the underworld. Osisris would not be coming for me and I believed in was wrong. I had dreamed of the goddess Maat taking my heart and wieghing it to see if I was worthy or not to join her. But none of that would ever happen now and thats all they would ever be. Just Dreams.

I was slowly becoming panicked my breathing hitched in my throat. There were others I wasn't the only one. We were were all wrong. I had to save them! I tried to move, to get back to them, to warn them, but that made an awful searing pain shoot up my leg. It was like I was being burned from the inside. I jerked away away from the pain causing more of it to engulf me. This was pure agony now. I stayed still not wanting any other part of me to go under the black fire. Atleast thats what I was calling because it was all around me- I could feel it- but I saw nothing but darkness.

I tried my best to ignore the torture and everything pyhsical about myself. Instead I let my mind fold in on itself and take over. I pretended I was in the underworld facing the 42 judges and admitting my sins. It used to be way deep down but now the truth was rising above the surface. I was wrong just like so many other people and we would all pay for it.

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Story end notes: So anyway the person was Egyptian and stuff. He died in his sleep. He thought he was going to go to the underworld but he didn't. ooooooh.... shocker there.I know it's morbit but I didn't like the prompt my teacher gave me and I haven't gone back and changed the plotline I made it messed up to get the point across that I'm not going to write nice things if I don't like what I'm writing about. But it did turn out to be a pretty good story. Don't forget: in a comment put what you thought was happening!!!!! Or if your feeling really nice you could subscribe to my blog! I also like to pick a song for each of my stories and this stories song is ' Second Chance by Shinedown' the link should be on after this sentence. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-hivItyXEo