Darkness In The Time Of Light

I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could do what I wanted, but I can't because I can never take it back. I wish he knew, but I can't tell him, he's been forbidden to listen.

I didn't see that one coming...

Yesterday I got out of school early because I had a doctors appointment. When I got there the doctor was late. So I got out my iPod and started singing really loud to try to calm my nerves. I'm not a good singer so my mom got mad at me and told me to stop. I never completely calmed myself down. I had to get five shots!! Stupid doctors why can't they just let me kill over? (It was manditory I'm not dying) I don't know if any of you will know what this is but in the USA they have a commercial for a shot called Gardisil and they made me get that! For any of you thinking about getting that don't do it! It hurt like hell! So anyway the doctor finally came and she was like which arm do you write with? I was kinda thinking to myself "Shouldn't that be written down somewhere?" I told her my left hand so she gave me three shots in my right arm. After the first on I started to feel really sick then when the 3rd one came everything went black. I started to dream but my dreams were really F-ed up. It was like I was watching people talk it was weird. And at the same time I knew I was passed out. I heard my mom say "It looks like she's having a seisure" then I woke up. They said I was only down for a few seconds but it felt like alot longer than that! So they moved to my left arm and gave me the other two shots. I knew it was coming and I was seriously pissed off about too. I passed out again I had F-ed up dreams again and now I felt like crap and both my arms hurt! WTF? That was so uncool. That's never happened to me before. BTW I wasn't having a seisure it was apparently normal for me to shake a little bit when I pass out. So that was my brilliant day and the doctors and my arms still hurt really bad.

What If We...

Ok. I know I haven't posted in forever but please forgive me. And please forgive me for the fact that I'm not going to catch you up on everything you missed in this particular post! I'll catch up later but for now I have something else I want to say.

I just watched a video on youtube that inspired me to do something really random. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJngB51qUTI&feature=channel I want everybody that reads this to write in to my e-mail bluestars_daughter@yahoo.com (there is an underscore between bluestars and daughter I don't know if you could tell) and write a question starting with "What if we..." I'll take the e-mail print them out and do what the guy in the video did!
If you didn't watch the video then I'll tell you what happens: A dude gets a bunch of questions from people and walks the streets asking people the questions. I know that it doesn't sound very cool but to me it is so if you could just cooperate I would love you guys!! If you don't want to please show this to someone you know.

WHEN YOU WRITE IN:

• please title the subject of you message "What if we"
• don't send spam e-mail
• keep the message PG-13 at the MOST
• remember this is important to me
• real people will see this message so make if worth something!

Thank you so much if your doing this!!! If your not please show this to someone that might

I'M ALIVE!!!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever!! Please forgive me! I have been completely busy and depressed and so much stuff I don't know how to describe. So please forgive me. Now that I'm done begging for mercy at your keyboard I can try to catch you up on the millions of things that have happended and brain cells I've wasted.

1. My dog got really sick and I had to take her to the vet. She got a hematoma in her ear and had an ear infection. So long story shorter we had to squirt this stuff in her ears and clean them out and stuff. I was at my grandparents house for Christmas and we got a bunch of people to hold her down I had the honor of squirting the goo in her ears. She did not like that very much so she scratched my arm up really bad and it took it a month to heal. So now I have 5 really bad scratches on my arm and people at school walk up to me and are like "Why did you cut yourself?"....."If you cut youself you'll die".....and my personal favorite...."Oh, I didn't know your dog scratched you I thought you cut youself." Yep life just keeps getting better and better isn't it thrilling?
2. I still love Tokio Hotel and I've learned alot more German. I can stay stuff like my name and even though I hate coffee and I can't order coffee I can say I want milk in my coffee. I can also say a whole bunch of other useless things that I would only use is if I was completely drunk. But I can't drink so this internal argument is pointless.
3. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really depressed half the time and the other half I just want to sleep for a week. I should be doing my homework right now but I'm not. I failed spanish class it makes more sense since I've been studying german though. Where is the logic in that? Maybe I'm crazy and they have some twelve step program and I can be cured! Or I could just be like the rest of us driven to madness by the worlds stupidity. Anyone who is on this website has to have some sense to them. Thats what I think anyway because if you could just read the writing you would know that we've all pretty much been used or screwed over. Litterally or metaphorically. I know this doesn't apply to everyone but to most people. I could be wrong. I don't think I am.
I've got a book of poems that I want to get published one day. I just wanted to share that. One of the reasons I haven't posted in two months is I really really wanted to make sure my dad didn't have the address to this website. If he has it he hasn't said anything. So for now I'm safe to live another day. This wasn't a very interesting post sorry about that.